(1) Stole candy from the Red & White supermarket (age 4).(2) Bought candy with my Sunday-school money at Merusi’s corner store and hid it under the Streeters’ front porch (primary school).(3) Told my little brother I had a “thinking cap” like the one in Rocky & His Friends (I didn’t).(4) Hit Billy Arnold on the head with a floor mop and he had to have stitches (age 5).(5) Deliberately made Marla Tewksbury bump into a post one day when we were practicing being blind on our way home from school.(6) Fell down on my way home from school and told my mother that Hanky Buerrman pushed me. (He didn’t.)(7) Flunked high-school geometry.(8) Flunked high-school physics.(9) Dropped out of college.(10) Got kicked out of acting school.(11) Lived in sin.(12) Told a tiny little fib on a 1979 résumé, but it was for a good cause (I needed the job).(13) Divorced (once).(14) Shook Donald Trump’s hand (New York, Hearst Building, early 1980s).(15) Accepted gifts from the Clintons (e.g. a wooden "keepsake egg," painted pink and inscribed "Happy Easter from the White House").(16) Have not been to church for at least two years.(17) Have not memorized the Constitution.(18) Have never provided a home for a shelter animal. (Meghan Cooley and I are working on this.)(19) Told a U.S. official that I was writing “a best-seller” (not quite true).(20) Descended from Communist sympathizers.(21) Used to dye my hair.(22) Sometimes spend whole days having pointless debates with invisible people.IMPORTANT: If you know of other bad stuff I've done, or if you just have a vague but nagging suspicion that I MIGHT have done something bad or even borderline bad, I urge you to come forward now and not to wait until I am president of the United States.